Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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