GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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