I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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