Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You left your phone here
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