His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
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Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
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You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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