took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
