hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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