i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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