I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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