I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
