he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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