drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
