is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
