I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
