did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
