im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
