She said her name was "party"
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
