my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
