Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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