this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
