I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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