so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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