Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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