I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
