OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
