Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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