There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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