So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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