we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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