In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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