i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
