just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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