Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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