I'm so fucking centered right now
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
COCAINE IS GR8
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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