The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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