just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
