I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
