If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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