i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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