I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You don't make any sense
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