turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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