it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
