She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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