i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
