just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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