be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
