I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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