I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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