my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
