I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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