You're completely useless in the revolution.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
