I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
