I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
