i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
