i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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