Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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