im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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