i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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